You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
