i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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