Me. At least after what I've been through.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
me + whiskey = a bad person
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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