you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
