I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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