He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
