I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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