Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
