you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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