I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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