And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
