my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize