When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
