girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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