first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
only if we run a train.
done.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
