if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
