I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
