I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
