PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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