The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
