I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize