Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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