I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
