In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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