so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
