I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
