With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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