i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Randomize
