Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
