bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
