I hate all girls vehemently.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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