on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
