He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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