I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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