Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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