I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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