he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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