Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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