So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Randomize
