Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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