he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
