I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
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