Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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