what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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