If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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