Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
