I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
