He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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