haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
