i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
