well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
