lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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