Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize