how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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