I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to fling myself into the sun
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
