Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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