You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
