I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
