Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
