actually, I'm a sock model
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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