So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
