I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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