Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize