i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
