I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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