You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This baby is an asshole
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
