Pants 0. Shit 1.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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