she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
