WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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