Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
