life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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