is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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