you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
