"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
