the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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