He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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