After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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