I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
