from now on my penis is your penis
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I think I sprained my soul last night
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
