Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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