Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
