You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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