I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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