I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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