..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
