just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
